Wednesday, February 16, 2005
`[
Okay, fine. I have not been writing here for quite sometime and I feel that this blog has more than its fair share of pain. Ohwell. Maybe this blog really has lived up to its name - Confessions...
Why is it not fair that people cannot always have what they want? Must they compromise? Must they feel hurt when they are rejected? Must they feel pain and depressed when these things happen? It's just so unfair.
For me, I'm no different... Chances and opportunities that slipped through my fingers are uncountable, maybe infinite. Allow me to just scream out right here and now..
*ARGH !!! IT"S JUST NOT FAIR! ... I RATHER THAN YOU ALLOW ME TO JUST STAY IN A CORNER AND BE MYSELF, YOU SICK PEOPLE... [crys]
Can't I be allowed to cahse a girl and be successful? Can't I be a person in my own right? Can't I just miss someone and hope that person miss me too? Can I be just simply myself? ...
Maybe it's fate. Maybe it's just my luck. Maybe it's just me... Maybe maybe maybe... I suppose I can write their names down here...
Ying Yi.. Wei Ting.. Debra.. Edwina... ='(
[` Wishing for you ...]
at
10:49 AM
The Shanghai trip has done me well. In a certain sense, the feelings are thrown back in Singapore, and yes, I don't run away from the sights of polka dots uniform. So all in all, I have left her behind as part of my memories of my secondary school life.
It was good that the Shanghai trip allowed me to forget about her. Now, when I visit her blog, it is no more an outlet to hate myself and off the bloody screen. Now, I feel free and unrestricted. The reason being that I no longer is waiting for her. Only a good friend. =)
[` Wishing for you ...]
at
4:50 PM
Tomorrow will be the last day for me in Singapore, that is till the new year. I'll be spending my first hours of 2005 in Shanghai, where it'll be my first time in China. Wonder how would it be like?
Anyway, I was just recently at a Supercamp gathering. There I met my long-lost friends - Cheryl, Johannes, Nick, Stephanie, Lewina, Jing Jing, Shulin, Wee Beng, Meaghan, Anthony. Well, not exactly a big gathering, but hey, it was once in a long while since I had a last gathering with them.
However, the big thing that suits the theme of this blog happens to be when three of us (Cheryl, Jing Jing and myself) were on the way back home. We were discussing on the subject on relationship, and yet, it all came back to me that I should let go of her.
Why?
She was an attention seeker. She had a boyfriend. She did not bother with you. She was in a world of her own. She was totally in her own wild manner. She's not suitable for you. (The list goes on.)
However, no matter how hard I try, I just cannot lose thought of her. She's like a person I just cannot forget, just like in the same catergory of my grandma. However, this was what people advised me - 'Just leave her a soft spot in your heart, just like a memory, put aside but not forgotten.'
Oh well, looks like I have to leave her in my memories of secondary school life. =(
To one and all who read my blog, au revoir and see you next year. =)
[` Wishing for you ...]
at
9:43 PM
Well, I have my true feelings on this song, though *stupid* Daniel Ong says it's a little whiny. Sigh, but the meaning in there holds true to me.
True - Ryan Cabrera
I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm
I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
Nice song, I love it, but it cannot be sung without reminding me of her. Sigh.
[` Wishing for you ...]
at
1:25 PM
This piece is just like the one where the girl goes ,
"John is so cute..."
"Well, that irresistible hunk there is so mine. I'm just going to get his number."
"I miss you lots, Jason. Just wishing you miss me too.." [Gazing at the stars]
Well, this is the same one type confessions and lamenting, except it comes from me, a guy. (Feminists please pass on this one as this is equality of both sexes.) I miss someone too. This girl we all know on this blog, and good heavens, it's not hilary duff. =)
Well, I suppose I can't lament and do anything about it.
[` Wishing for you ...]
at
11:44 AM
Sigh, if you see two posts on this blog, it's not my fault. I have to write this blog piece, and finally found a place to pour out all. My old blogger username, with a new twist. My own love life, soap opera all here. =) Cheers !
Okay, this was written on paper. Most of the below portions were done in my Grandma's house, who is currently recovering from an accident. (Prays hard for her) So, without further ado, my piece.
` Just a little thought, maybe moe than just a thought...
I finally found out what I really want in a person. NOt that the beautiful eyes, lovely cheeks, to-die-for body, none of thos actually do the thing for me. All I ever find myself attracted to a girl is her smile.
That special smile that captivates my heart. That evergreen smile that shines brightly into your heart. One that I only found in two people - Edwina Woo and Hilary Duff - so far. Not that I haven't been look enough, but they have this great smile that I cannot resist.
By now, you would have realise that I have a darn crush on Hilary Duff. She has cute eyes, great personality, but most of all, a fantastic smile. She may not be the girl of boys' wet dreams, but she's the type of person I'm after. =)
Yes, Edwina too has all these traits. Though both ladies are known to have mood swings, but I swear they have the most captivating of all smiles. Daphne Wee, your smile's nice, but not as magnificent as theirs. =) Sorry sister, but you have to work on it. =)
I am making a desperate plea for one of them to respond. In fact, if either calls upon me, I'll be right away there! Sigh, I do wish for the past, but now I shall follow Ms Tan's advise of keeping a soft small area in my heart for them.
Or should I ?
[` Wishing for you ...]
at
11:25 PM
Just a new blog. Simple, neat, all by my own, and away from the people I don't want to hurt in public. This will be the private confessions of my soul, non-barring the expletives and shoutings. This is my blog, independent and unique.
[` Wishing for you ...]
at
10:33 PM